


how (not) to drive

by brookwrites



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Based off a video, Fluff, M/M, Mild Language, Oneshot, Realistic, mentions of vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 18:06:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16392533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brookwrites/pseuds/brookwrites
Summary: when dan told phil he’d be taking a “driving test” for the video they were about to film, he was more confused than anything else. the confusion remained throughout the first two thirds of the video, but it soon turned into fear and then to pure happiness. and maybe a scraped knee.





	how (not) to drive

**Author's Note:**

> i’m absolutely in love with dan pushing phil around in a chair during today’s gaming video, so i couldn’t help but to make it into a little fluff oneshot!

phil had been put through a lot in the last few minutes of his life. first he was faced with the brutal challenge of a driving test, which, in and of itself, terrified him. he’d always been rubbish at driving, and he had no clue what dan had planned, but all of his guesses were equally horrific. when he found out it was a simple racing game, he calmed down a bit, but he still knew dan would have tricks up his sleeve. 

of course, phil couldn’t be the only one suffering, so he dug through his prop chest and pulled out a few mustaches for dan to wear to help him look more like phil’s sleazy old driving instructor. if they were going to roleplay, they were going to roleplay. 

the first of three portions of the test was simple; he just had to make it through a race. the second was when things got hard. before he knew it, he was dressed like the beginning of a bad porno and having fake cacti shoved in his face. of course, he couldn’t tell the cactus was fake, and he thought there was a thorn lodged in his eardrum for the rest of the race, but he made it. in reality, the placebo pain wasn’t even nearly as bad as the pain as dan asking him to send nudes. he couldn’t tell if it was worse in or out of character. 

by the end of part two, phil was all wound up. he’d laughed way too hard to not be full of excitement, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t at least a little bit scared to see what dan had in store for the last portion of his “test”. if there was one thing phil knew about the gaming channel, it was that it always got worse as it went on. 

“i’m gonna stand up,” he heard dan say from behind him, and his heart skipped a beat, and not in a good way. 

“why?” he whined, fear lacing his tone. “i feel like you’re going to put a spider on me or something!” he exclaimed as dan spoke words of reassurance in the background. if he had to face a single one of his fears, he was walking straight to his room and locking the door. “i don’t like it...” he trailed off, as leaned in towards the camera.

“it is time for the driving test.” 

“oh god.” phil paused a moment. “are you sure i’m going to be okay with this?” he asked as he took and squeezed dan’s hand, knowing the moment would never make it online. there was one way to get dan to crack, and it was physical contact. 

“trust me,” he said, squeezing back. “this is going to be your favorite portion of all.” 

phil stared at him for a moment, trying to decipher his tone. “you’re joking, right?” 

dan let go of his hand and simply shrugged, a signal that the only way to find out was to talk towards the camera and see what would happen. 

“what are you doing behind me?” 

“nothing! i’m just-”

“am i gonna get a nice massage?” phil asked, attempting to use humor to cover up the fact that he only semitrusted dan in this situation. 

“no, that’s not it,” dan said. phil began to smile at his own joke, but his face quickly changed as the wheels beneath him began to roll. “we’re coming out of the garage.” 

understanding of the situation immediately rushed to phil, and all he could think about was breaking their sponsored phone. or his bones. maybe both. “no, no, no!” 

“and we’re going on a little journey.” 

“dan! i cannot play like this!” he chuckled up at the smiling dimples above him. they both knew phil was garbage at the game while sitting still; he’d stand no chance on the move. 

“i’m starting to become very concerned about this. you’re not going to throw me down the stairwell, are you?”

“oh, shit, you’ve found out my master plan. nine years is far too long, phil.” he started to wheel phil in the direction of the door. “time for a new husband, you old bag!” he jerked phil forward, and he had to clutch to the chair’s armrests so as to not fall not-so-gracefully into the door. 

“you’re the worst, you know that?” 

“you remind me every day of my life.” the two took a moment to laugh before dan looked at phil in the phone camera. “you ready for this?” phil responded with more laughter. “what’s so funny?” 

“i’m sorry, it’s just hard to take you seriously in that mustache.” 

“who’s the one in control of the chair here?” 

“fine,” phil said. “just don’t hurt me.” 

“no promises,” dan said, and the chair started to move again. 

“this is very under-chin, dan; i don’t like it,” phil said, finally taking a good look at himself at the horrible camera angle he was holding the phone at to be able to play. “i look like a potato.” 

phil honestly expected a joking reply from dan, but instead he was met with increasingly concerning ambiguity. “no, it’s fine! don’t question anything!”

“oh no,” phil said, as the numbers on the screen began to count down. “what are you doing?” 

“three, two, one... we’re starting the race! here we go!” 

at that, phil could feel all of dan’s weight forcing the chair forward, and he was suddenly coasting at speeds that could definitely cause serious injury in a crash. phil’s emotions seemed to be moving just as fast as he was; of course, the first emotion to hit him was the unbridled fear, but somewhere behind it in his physically jumbled brain playfulness and love in its purest form broke through the fog. only his husband would do something so childish yet so adorable.

“oh god! i’m gonna die! i’m literally gonna die!” phil screamed, the world spinning around him.

“no, it’s okay! come on!” dan shouted, coming into view every couple of seconds as phil spun around in his chair. it was then that he realized dan wasn’t holding him anymore, which scared the living hell out of him, but it was worth it to see his face. the two of them were laughing at dan’s childish antics as if it was nine years earlier. it was like they were young again. “we’re going for a lap!” 

“i’m gonna fall over!” 

sensing phil’s legitimate fear, dan took hold of the back of the chair again, guiding him through the doorway. “we are in the kitchen!” he shouted, letting phil spin freely again. 

“i’m scared! i’m scared!”

“no, come on! don’t crash the car, phil!” 

phil laughed, sure dan’s face at the time was golden, but he was terrified to look up from his phone because he thought he might get motion sick, or worse, crash the car. 

“i don’t like it!” 

“it’s realistic; don’t crash it!” 

the whirlwind of emotions in phil’s head got crazier as each moment passed, and suddenly the fear had turned to adrenaline and all his thoughts had blended together to create one positive chemical solution that left him smiling. he was starting to get the hang of it. until dan had to come and ruin it. 

“now, how do you get your nitrus?”

“uh-” phil panicked for a moment, his brain having turned off as he enjoyed the fun. “do some spins!” 

“yeah!” dan said, and phil realized all too suddenly what the point of that question was. “yes, you do!” dan shouted as he spun the chair around. “you do a 360!” 

phil began to laugh uncontrollably. he felt as if he could lose his breakfast at any moment, but he didn’t even care anymore. “i don’t like it! i feel sick!” he shouted. to an outsider, it might have seemed that he wasn’t enjoying himself, and his body definitely would agree, but he didn’t stop smiling once through the whole ride. 

“activate your nitrus! here we go!” dan shouted, thrusting phil forward. 

“oh my god!” phil shrieked, feeling his balance leave the chair as his body was thrown to the ground and he felt a sharp pain in his knee. “shhhh-” he stutted to avoid swearing on the channel. “ow!” he yelped, not even bothering to pull himself off the floor. the fun aura of the situation quickly left them both as dan’s voice reached a serious tone for the first time in the past few minutes. 

“phil, are you okay?” 

“i fell on my knee!”

“this has gone too far.” 

“i’m staying on the floor,” he said, defeated. “let me finish the lap.” 

phil could see dan in the camera behind him, his offputting mustache not helping the image. “don’t stay on the floor!” dan said, almost whining at him to get back up so the fun wouldn’t have to end. “i’m gonna give you a red mark.” 

“don’t give me a red mark...” he said, disgruntledly climbing back into the chair. dan appeared again in the view behind him, but he didn’t push the chair again. he simply stood there, and phil could feel his body heat behind him. it was somehow comforting; they had both decided they’d had enough fun, and going any further would be risking physically breaking phil, and so they just existed right where they were as phil somehow performed worse sitting still as he did when he was falling off his chair. 

“that was a disaster,” they each confirmed as phil rolled into the finish line dead last and physically bruised. 

“but it was one hell of a fun disaster,” dan said, slowly wheeling phil back into the gaming room. 

“i can’t believe i’m going to have to do all the driving when we move to the countryside,” dan said as he sat on the couch editing the video they had filmed a few hours before.

“i’ll learn!” 

“no you won’t. you’ll hurt more than your knee.” 

“speaking of...” dan glanced up from his laptop to see phil lift the bag of ice he’d had on his knee up into the air. “i’m gonna need some more ice.” dan sighed, setting his laptop on the coffee table and pushing himself up out of his sofa crease. “don’t take that tone with me! this is your fault!” 

“how is it my fault that you have no balance!” dan shouted from the kitchen. 

“remember when i said ‘just don’t hurt me’?” phil said, smirking at dan as he handed him a new bag of ice. “you literally had one job.” 

“yeah, yeah,” dan said. “let’s replay the incident one more time.” dan clicked his mouse and the clip immediately began to play. “nice job saving that swear, by the way.” 

“thanks. they’ll catch it anyway.”

“you should’ve just said it.” 

phil chuckled. “maybe in 2019.” 

dan decided to give up on multitasking and shut his laptop, squeezing himself into the loveseat phil was sitting in. “hey! this is my chair!” phil shouted, shifting himself against the side of the chair. 

“it’s not your chair, it’s our chair.” 

phil rolled his eyes. “you’re such a dork.” 

“be careful, lester. i have the physical upper hand.” 

phil stared at him, pushing his glasses up onto his glabella. “you wouldn’t hit a man with glasses, would you?” 

dan couldn’t help but laugh at that. “who’s the dork now?” 

“still you,” phil said with a childish smile. 

“fine, we’ll make a deal,” dan said, a devious look crossing his face. “we’re both dorks, and i get to sit here pressed up against you until your knee feels good enough for you to get up.” 

“i’m up, i’m up!” phil exclaimed, thrusting his weight onto his good leg. dan’s laughs echoed in the background as he limped out of the lounge. “i’ll be in my room.” 

“our room!” 

“dork!”


End file.
